Episode 1: "Call Me Kerfufled"

Note - I was originally planning to title each of these blog posts with a satirical version of the episode’s actual title, but it turns out the original is bad enough that this extra mental effort is unnecessary.

Intro:

Let me shed some insight into the ironic significance of this punishment falling to me. The only streaming service I subscribe to is Netflix, and the only TV show I’ve used it for is the “Great British Baking Show” (no explanation required). I had to watch episode 1 of “Call Me Kat” using the 1 hour of free watch time generously provided by the Fox Now app. I’m honestly not sure how I’ll be able to watch the rest of the season or more importantly how Fox believes they can get views for this show behind a paywall. Surely I won’t have to pay out of pocket to lose brain cells, there must be bylaws in our fantasy football group about this!??!

It’s only fair that I lay out my complaints about TV and give the show an honest opportunity to prove me wrong. As promised in my previous blog post, here are the 3 main reasons I hate television:

1. TV milks runtime for money - TV shows rarely have substance proportional to their runtime. There's filler material, gaping plot holes, and frustratingly slow character development all in the name of “we have more time to make it all make sense,” and the writers know viewers will keep watching just to see what happens. It doesn’t hurt that they save their compelling material for a cheap cliffhanger that makes you want to autoplay the next episode despite how terrible the content was until then. I hate feeling like my time is being taken advantage of.

2. TV follows predictable templates - Most TV shows create a template for their plot structure and characters. For each episode, they introduce a specific problem and simply apply it to the templated plot structure & characters. They add a cliffhanger, and voila. Even good TV shows use templates. Bad TV shows are worse at masking them and too lazy to call creative audibles. I hate predictable outcomes, especially when the predictability is sisyphean.

3. Pure passive entertainment - I enjoy forms of entertainment that are also enriching. Lots of enjoyable activities can teach, contribute to growth, or help deepen relationships. Life is filled with beautiful, entertaining experiences, but we spend most of it working and sleeping. It's hard for me to bear the thought of spending the precious time that remains on purely passive entertainment with limited meaningful takeaways.

To prove my point, over the course of this season, I’ll try to determine the template of the show and make predictions about what will happen next. I’ll also document any meaningful takeaways and provide a score for the episode. At the end of the season, I should have a clear signal about whether the show was as excruciatingly predictable and deficient of value as I expect.

Without further ado, below is the recap of Season 2: Episode 1 that you’ve all been trying to avoid as much as I have. Bear in mind I did not watch Season 1 so there will be some loose ends we’ll need to uncover together.

Episode Recap:

I’m going to include my real-time reflections italicized and in-line like this.

We’re immediately dropped into a fierce relationship drama at the Cat Cafe (it’s a cafe, but there are cats everywhere) where Kat (main character) is animatedly detailing her love life to her employees Randi & Phil: Kat is dating Oscar (we cut to a scene that shows him smiling and delivering packages for UPS), but Max, the man of her dreams (also her best friend who works at the bar across the street), now wants to kiss Kat.

I can’t believe I’m writing about this. Also, this is a laugh-track show. Fake laughter is literally built into this show because the goal of inspiring real laughter was too ambitious.

Max had apparently rejected Kat in Season 1 but changed his mind, news he broke to her during the funeral of one of her cats.

I have an upsetting feeling that references to cats will be made as frequently as possible.

As Randi is discussing how to deal with the situation, we cut to scenes of Randi making out with another character. She’s apparently trying to keep this affair hidden from the others.

I’m extremely confused about who the target audience is. There are signs this is meant for a younger cohort, like over the top smiling & emoting by every character, the use of “wants to kiss” to designate interest, etc. But then there are cut shots of make-out scenes and references to adult themes that make this seem like it’s actually meant for adults? What are they even trying to accomplish? In any case, the target demo is assuredly not me.

Immediately, the camera in the cafe shifts to people sitting on the cafe couch. They are apparently famous but have nothing to do with the show. Kat begins dancing out of sheer excitement being in their presence.

Kat’s excessive reactions to the general unfolding of life will certainly be a key feature of this show. I’m already tired of it.

Oscar calls to invite Kat to see a meteor shower on her roof that night. While she’s on the phone, Max happens to be walking by and waves to her. Kat conspicuously hides behind a couch.

It appears this show will not follow realistic time or distance intervals. Based on the trailer, it looks like every major character has already appeared in the episode less than 5 minutes in, all coincidentally passing by. I’ve heard Louisville feels a small town, but I didn’t realize it was this small. Sorry for the bad joke, I think this show is having an unsolicited influence.

Kat says she needs to take the day off to deal with the aforementioned relationship drama and leaves a long list of to-do items for Randi & Phil. She also requests that they close the cat door so the cats don’t run away. A new cafe customer and stranger named Wyatt appears and asks the staff if there’s any work he can help with at the cafe because he’s lonely and bored. Randi & Phil give him the to-do list and he starts to work through it.

The jokes have been miserable so far, and everyone begins their lines too abruptly. Several highly coincidental events artificially enable the plot to move along. Everything feels very unnatural.

Cut scene to Kat asking someone who is apparently her mother for relationship advice. Kat’s mother asks if one of the men has more money than the other as a potential means of vetting. She suggests Kat try to envision life with each of them and determine which vision makes her happier.

Kat’s mother looks roughly the same age as Kat. Modern-day botox is the apex technological achievement. Her character, like everyone else’s, is already evidently clear - her vanity and desire to get Kat married to a wealthy husband as quickly as possible are her major drivers.

In Kat’s vision, Oscar is making her veggie burgers while Max is literally Superman holding kittens.

Something terrifying just happened. Kat broke the 4th wall to wink at the camera. This was the most pointless 4th wall break I’ve ever witnessed.

Kat’s mother then suggests that Max may only be interested in Kat now that Kat is in a relationship.

This was the first meaningful moment of the show. A common pitfall of assessing a suitor’s level of interest is ignoring biases that the suitor might be falling victim to. In this case, scarcity mindset and FOMO might be playing into Max’s stated interest in Kat.

Cut scene to Kat talking to Max and calling him out for suspiciously flip-flopping his feelings for her as soon as she started dating someone else. It’s revealed that they’ve known each other since they were kids, and they’re now nearly 40. And yet, this is the first time he’s ever made a move. Max accepts her comments and they part.

Kat has an absurdist style of humor. For example, when Max asks if Kat wants coffee she says “No more caffeine for me I’m starting to smell colors”. Non sequitur humor is rarely effective when intentional, this is certainly not an exception. I did admire Kat’s directness in communicating her feelings & thoughts to Max. Tensions in relationships are hard to talk about, so it’s commendable that Kat was able to confront Max so candidly.

Kat finds out that Max has quit his job at the bar across the street and is planning to move from Louisville. Kat rushes back to his apartment to talk him off the ledge. Max has a habit of running away when faced with difficulty or rejection and Kat pleads with him to face these situations directly and stay.

Another 4th wall break, my hands are shaking. The reason this is so viscerally terrifying is that it makes me self-aware that I’m watching the show. My subconscious is working overtime to repress this reality but these 4th wall breaks keep crushing all progress. It’s as if Kat is personally taunting me that I have to spend my weekday evening watching and writing about this show.

Max agrees to stay and they unpack his belongings.

This was a powerful teaching moment. Kat is telling Max not to flee despite her rejection. She cares about him as a friend and doesn’t want him to leave, but her bigger picture goal is meant to help him as a friend - to unlearn his habit of running away when the going gets tough.

Meanwhile, Oscar is waiting for Kat on her rooftop to watch the meteor shower and is starting to worry that she’s going to bail. He’s prepared a thoughtful picnic for the date. Also, Randi & Phil forgot to do the one job that Wyatt did not take on (closing the cat door), and a cat named Houdini flees the cafe. We cut to them trapping Houdini on a rooftop corner. He leaps from the ledge after a gimme joke about a cat’s 9 lives and lands right in Wyatt’s hands.

An unbelievable McDonald’s ad just came on. In slow motion, warm & crispy french fries fall on a table, followed by a juicy McMuffin, and then a delectable Cinnabon. The entire time, a smooth jazz voice whispering the sweet nothing theme song of the Golden Arches. Now this is real drama. Had to be a 2-minute ad but I lost track of time. A necessary reminder about the upside potential of persuasive visual entertainment.

Kat makes it to her roof just in time to watch the meteors fall like the curtain on episode 1. She and Oscar kiss.

The episode could have easily ended here.

Cut scene to the cafe where Houdini gets adopted by one of the “celebrities” from the beginning of the episode.

Would have made more sense for the cat to get adopted by Wyatt to help with his loneliness, but either way, the episode could once again have easily ended here.

Cut scene to the entire crew of the show waving at the camera while dancing. There’s heavy fake applause. Blatantly cringeworthy, unnecessary end to the episode.

What the hell.

The McDonalds ad reappears.

The only saving grace.

Memorable Quote:

Kat to Max: “You’ve had more breakups than a Taylor swift album”

Episode Score: 6/10

The novelty of it being the first episode of a second season helped since there was a vaguely interesting challenge to figure out what was going on. Without this crutch to lean on, I expect scores to go downhill from here. Also bonus points for the McDonalds ads. First tv show watching experience where the ad was better than the show.

Takeaways:

• When determining a suitor’s genuine level of interest, consider common biases that might inflate their attraction like acting on FOMO or scarcity mindset

• In an interpersonal conflict, running away doesn’t solve the problem. Insecurities (of all parties) should be dealt with directly through respectful communication

Predictions:

• Now that Kat has confronted Max and helped him grow, Max will begin to face more of his fears directly and slowly grow a much deeper love for Kat

• Wyatt will continue working for free at the Cat Cafe, until he is finally offered a job to work there full-time. Along the way he builds friendships with the staff, and it turns out those friendships end up being more meaningful than the job itself

• Houdini (the cat) will run away from his new owner, the Cat cafe crew will begin another search, Houdini will end up with Wyatt and they’ll save each other from loneliness

Stay tuned for next week's post on Episode 2: "Call Me By My Middle Name". Or don't., I highly recommend you don't.