Episode 2: “Call Me By My Middle Name”

Intro:

Alas, the level of effort that went into posts 1 & 2 was highly unsustainable. It also sends the wrong signal about my interest in a project that was forcibly thrust upon me. The first 2 posts were written during the holidays, and I’m back to being drowned by work. Looking back, I’m embarrassed by the disproportionate amount of brain power used on something that is likely killing brain cells. I am still unsure what’s worse - having to fit these blog post write-ups into a busy work day or wasting vacation time writing them. In any case, we all knew this day was coming: after a hype-fueled start to rope in readers, I am falling back on the tried and true get-by mentality of serial television. You might as well start Calling me Kat. I’ll give you the same advice for reading this blog series as I’d give you if you were beginning CMK - no matter how low they might already be, please delete your expectations.

Episode Recap:

For context, you can (but shouldn’t) read previous posts here.

The beginning of these episodes gives me that feeling of self-loathing dread that takes over right before going on a long run.

We kick things off with Kat and Oscar. Kat tells Oscar that Max wanted to kiss Kat and that she said no. Oscar doesn’t speak for 3 full minutes. Kat is worried that Oscar is in shock from the news due to jealousy and anger.

3 full minutes of silence. Let that sink in.

It turns out Oscar is actually shocked out of sheer joy because Kat picked him over Max. He unfortunately decides to express his joy through the medium of dance.

We cut to a scene where Oscar is wearing his delivery uniform dropping off a “special delivery for Kat”.

Don’t get any ideas folks. This is a family-friendly show.

We learn that we’re nearing the 4-month anniversary of the day Kat and Oscar met. Oscar leaves the cafe but forgets his phone on the table. When Kat rushes outside to bring it to him, Oscar dips Kat and dramatically kisses her. Predictably, Max walks by at that very moment and sees them kissing. When Oscar sees Max, he gets embarrassed and drops Kat on the ground.

Physical humor will continue to be a major crutch for this show. One of those homemade crutches made from a cheap broom and duct tape.

Oscar shares that he feels awkward now that he knows what happened between Max and Kat. Kat says she wants the two of them to be friends. He agrees to try.

We cut to Randi in bed with Carter.

I take it back, this is NOT a family-friendly show.

Carter notices a fish tattoo on Randi’s back but she refuses to tell him the origin story. Carter wants to tell their mutual friends about the secret relationship, but she gets uncomfortable with that and quickly leaves.

Can anyone else guess the story arc for this one??

We cut to Kat visiting Max at the bar. He’s playing piano and doesn’t stop when he sees Kat enter. She sits down at another piano, since there is conveniently a second grand piano at this bar. They sing a dueling piano song.

Very confusing choice here. The song is awful by any standard of musical critique. None of the words rhyme and there’s no melodic progression. They are simply playing basic chords while talking in a sing-song voice.

They sing about the awkwardness of Kat dating Oscar and still trying to be friends, and Kat pleads with Max to make an effort to become friends with Oscar. Max agrees to try.

Note that the laugh track is going totally off the rails throughout this “song”. The fake crowd is practically in tears, and I think there are even voices of small children in the cohort.

Carter walks into the bar and joins in on the singing to tell Max to stop playing piano and help him unload a case of beer.

Maybe these are transcendent words of advice. Maybe the key for me to get through this TV series is to unload my own case of beer every episode.

Cut to the cafe with Phil, Kat and Kat’s mom. Kat’s mother gives Kat a fertility statue for her 4-month anniversary so that she’ll give her a grandchild.

I'm in Guatemala right now and my wifi keeps cutting out. These are moments of true bliss.

We learn that 4 months is the longest relationship Kat has ever been in. She’s worried about scaring Oscar off by going over the top with an elaborate anniversary date.

A wise thing to worry about, Kat.

Scene cuts to a flashback of a 3-week long relationship Kat was in. She is dressed up as a massive heart singing a cheesy song in her ex-partner’s office. He breaks up with her immediately.

I wish I had the ability to break up with this show that quickly.

We cut to Oscar waking up early in the morning to go running with Max. Kat is thrilled. She asks if he’d like to have a low-key dinner for their anniversary that night. She emphasizes low-key, and he agrees.

As Oscar leaves Kat’s apartment, we see Randi sleeping on her couch.

We cut to Oscar on a run with Max. He’s quickly falling behind and needs to take a break. Oscar asks if they can slow down, and Max says he needs to win at something. After a cliché [x struggles to say sorry to y due to masculine pride] scene, Max eventually apologizes to Oscar for making a move on Kat while knowing she was in a relationship. It seems like they are right on track to friendship.

We cut to a Tide commercial - I’ve never been so attentive during commercials, the relative quality of these ads is pretty mind blowing. I may (will) not end up watching Season 3 of CMK, but Tide has me by the throat.

We cut to Randi and Kat at the lingerie store as she decides on an outfit for her anniversary date. They chat about Randi’s secret lover and Kat eventually teases out that she’s seeing Carter. The two of them talk about Randi’s hesitancy to share more about herself. Kat convinces her to open herself up more. Kat trips and falls onto a mannequin.

There may not even be duct tape on this broom.

We cut to Kat at the cafe. Naturally she’s prepared an elaborate date with Oscar at her place, and Phil has helped her prepare the meal. Oscar calls to say that he’s at a basketball game with Max now that they’ve become best friends and asks if they can reschedule their date. Kat says that isn’t a problem at all.

But of course, it is a problem. She went through strenuous lengths to plan the date, and she’s quite upset. Phil tells her she needs to let Oscar know how important the date was to her, and Kat says she’s afraid to because she doesn’t want him to be scared away. Phil advises her to have more faith in herself and says that Oscar is lucky to have her as a partner.

Transparent communication of feelings is really the never-ending lesson of relationships, no?

We cut to Randi visiting Carter at the bar again. Carter has discovered Randi’s middle name despite Randi telling him not to pry and she’s upset with him for crossing her boundaries. Carter apologizes, and she begins to share more about herself, including why she was so uncomfortable doing so earlier. She tells him about her struggle with depression, and how she was finally able to find a good therapist and medication. How she’s scared about losing control when letting someone new into her life. Carter listens carefully and tells her they can take things slowly. They embrace.

Nothing like the feeling of connection after a vulnerable share.

We cut to Oscar arriving late at Kat’s place after the basketball game. Kat is drunk and feeling particularly passive aggressive. She says that she and “Phil had a lovely night, ate dinner, and danced. If you’re hungry there’s some leftover popovers in the trash.” Oscar asks what’s wrong.

She sits down and lets him know that this is the longest relationship she’s ever been in, that she wanted to celebrate it, but didn’t want to scare him away. Oscar asks that next time Kat let him know when something is important to her, and he promises not to miss their 5 month anniversary. He says that Kat coming on strong is one of the things he likes most about her. Kat then crawls around the floor in her heels.

I continue to appreciate the direct communication in this show. All interpersonal conflicts have had closed-loop resolutions within each episode, and the writers have avoided using poor communication as a means to pointlessly extend tensions and conjure plot tangents throughout the season.

We cut to everyone in the cast entering the scene, looking directly at the camera, and dancing.

If this show isn’t shot live on stage, and actually even if it is, there’s no reasonable explanation for this. This trend guarantees a disastrous ending no matter how average the episode is.

Memorable Quote:

Phil to Kat: “A rooster that doesn’t crow can’t be mad when people don’t wake up.”

Episode Score: 5/10

Takeaways:

• Don’t hide how you really feel if it will lead to passive aggression or inner torment.

• There’s a 500-word minimum per blog post. I should have negotiated a word-count clause that let a 2,000 word post count for 4 blog posts.